An update

Sadly, I have been moved to a private office and the main sources of content for this blog cannot be heard from where I sit.  I will continue to try and overhear things in the office, but this may be the death knell for my humble little blog.  Alas, poor blogger and such.

Everyone loves cankles

"We should add cankles to the system.  It's importation to make notes about those."

You know, that thing with the thing

"Oh wait, I have that purple thing in there!"

Violence is Never the Answer

"But I probably would hit him.  A couple of times.  With a baseball bat.  Covered in more herpes.  HERPES ON YO' FACE!"

What?

"Hide it."  
"What?" 
"Hide it." 
"You hit it?" 
"HIDE it." 
"What did you hit?" 
"HIDE IT!!!!"

Spirit Animals

"You know those fuzzy bear hats with the long paws? She would come in and be all be all, 'These are my spirit animal hats...'"

Handbags

"Why would you want your handbag to look like a Cheeto?"

Names might matter. A little.

"At least Beyonce is a good person." 
"Really?  What's her child's name?"  
"The child's name doesn't matter!"

The Icing on Your Cake

"Mm...that cream cheese icing is pretty good.  Good and creamy, like creamy cheese."

All kinds of crazy

"See, I know we have crazy in this state as well.  It's a nice little mountain crazy.  Out there they have a whole other scary set of swamp crazy, and it puts our crazy to shame."

We're in the red.

"Exit only!" 
"If that was the case I wouldn't be able to come to work because I wouldn't be able to sit down." 
"This conversation has gone awry."

I love lamp

"What if it was a big lamp statue of him?"
"Well, at least we would know where to turn it on."

I beg your pardon.

"Without lamps there would be no light."
"Did you just Breakfast Club me?"

O.o

"I might look at them occasionally and go, 'Why don't you go down and smell me?'"

Dah da nah nah...

"It's like playing Tetris, but the game suddenly starts making up its own pieces."

I disbelieve

"Everyone is such a disappointment.  Except for you all."

Excessive

"You should dock his pay for that - 'excessive defecation'."

Great!

"I'm not saying 'great' like, 'Why did you make them all die?'"

If you squint and tilt you head...

"Your aura is big-bird yellow."  
"Wait, that's all it says about my aura? She got a whole paragraph and I just got, like, two sentences?"  
"I think that means your aura is special.  Like, yellow short bus special."

Bean juice

"We have beans under 100% juices?"

Little boxes

"You don't like my dented box?" 

"I would use that box until it couldn't be used any more."

Natural Pheromones

"It smells really good in here."  
"It's me, it's my natural pheromones."  
"Really? It smells like peppers."

Gourds

"I brought in this food from the Amazon, and it stay preserved in this gourd I wear on my head."

Apparently, today is all about mermaids

"I don't believe I am a mermaid, I just think if I keep saying it one day I'll become one."

"Maybe they can rebuild you into a mermaid."

"How would you get paid?"
"Probably in sand dollars."

Peanutbutter jelly time!

"Once you’ve learned how to spread jelly you will no longer be an intern."

*sniffsniff*

"Ugh...it smells like the past."